My Very Literal Child

Some people don't read between the lines. They live their lives in the black and white; never gray. They would never park in a No Parking Bus Zone at a school - it could be MIDNIGHT and not a bus for miles. They would never touch the Wet Paint if there was a sign. They are naturally obedient and take everything in life literally.

I heard of one 8 year old who wouldn't come out of the stall in a ladies' room. Her aunt asked why she didn't come out. She said, "The sign in here says, 'Do not leave this area without washing your hands,' and there's only a toilet in here!" Literal.

My youngest daughter is like that. One time when she was three, I had put her in the Time Out Chair and forgot about her. An hour later I found her there, still sitting. I asked her why she was still there. "You said to sit here." I asked her, "Well, don't you have to go to the bathroom?" "Yes," she answered. I really felt badly about that one!

When my four daughters were young, we had horses of our own and boarding horses. I think at this particular time there were eight horses to feed twice a day. The girls took turns in pairs doing the feedings. This one evening it was pouring rain. The girls (the literal one and her sister) had been putting off and putting off feeding the horses because of the weather. Finally I was exasperated and said, "Girls, you get out there right now and don't come in until those horses are fed!"

Well, the girls went to the barn and had a fight. The non-literal one said to her sister, "Just go in and get out of my sight. I'll feed the horses by myself!" A while later I looked outside and saw the literal girl just standing in the rain, soaking wet, on the back deck to the house. I opened the door and said "Why are you just standing in the rain?" She answered, "Corrie said she didn't want me to help her feed the horses and to just let her do it alone." I then asked the million dollar question, "Well, why don't you just come in the house?"

"You said not to come in the house until the horses are fed."

I sure hope she's grown out of that.